Example Jokes

A Few Example Jokes

As I mentioned on the home page, only clean jokes that are suitable for use in any environment are used as examples in the How To Tell A Joke Like A Pro course.

The jokes below are from my own personal collection and that I really like (and that I have professionally edited versions of when editing was needed).

These jokes are not used in the course (nor have they been edited for verbal delivery as described in the course) but…

They are representative of the types of jokes that are used in the course as examples. I hope you like them. 🙂

A woman was walking down the street with a baby ape in her arms when a friend stopped her and asked what she was doing with the ape.

“I just bought this ape as a pet. We have no children, so he’s going to live with us – just like one of the family. He’ll eat at the same table with us. He’ll even sleep in the same bed with my husband and me.”

“But what about the smell?” the friend asked.

“Oh, the ape will just have to get used to him like I did.”

A retired man who volunteers to entertain patients in nursing homes and hospitals went to one local hospital in Brooklyn and decided at the last minute to take his portable keyboard along.

He told some jokes and sang some funny songs at patients’ bedsides.

When he finished he said, in farewell, “I hope you get better.”

One elderly gentleman quickly snipped, “I hope you get better, too.”

Little Tony was so happy to see his grandmother that he ran up and gave her a big hug.

“I’m so happy to see you, Grandma!” Tony said. “Now daddy will have to do that trick he’s been talking about!”

His grandmother was curious, “What trick is that, sweetie?”

The little boy grinned at her and said, “I heard Daddy tell Mommy that he would climb the wall if you came to visit us again!”

On the first day of school, the Kindergarten teacher announced to her class, “If anyone has to go to the bathroom, hold up two fingers.”

A little voice from the back of the room asked, “How will that help?”

The math teacher saw that little Johnny wasn’t paying attention in math class. She called on him and said, “Johnny! What are 4, 2, 28 and 44?”

Little Johnny quickly replied, “NBC, CBS, HBO and the Cartoon Network!”

A four-year-old girl was learning to say the Lord’s Prayer. She was reciting it all by herself without help from her mother.

She said, “And lead us not into temptation, but deliver us some e-mail.”

The kindergarten teacher was showing her class an encyclopedia page picturing several national flags. She pointed to the American flag and asked, “What flag is this?” A little girl called out, “That’s the flag of our country.”

“Very good,” the teacher said. “And what is the name of our country?”

 Confidently the girl said “Tis of thee.”

A blonde woman drove through a hail storm and the next day took her car to a repair shop. The repair guy, noticing that she was blonde, decided to have some fun. He told her to blow into the tail pipe real hard when she got home, and the dents would pop out.

When she got home she started blowing into the tail pipe. Her blonde girlfriend saw her and said, “What are you doing?” She told her the repair guy told her to blow into the tail pipe real hard and the dents would pop out.

Her girlfriend says, “Don’t be so stupid! Everybody knows that won’t work unless you roll up the windows first!”

Albert Einstein arrived at a party, introduced himself to the first person he saw, and asked, “What is your IQ?”

The man answers “241.”

“That’s wonderful!” says Einstein. “We will talk about the Grand Unification Theory and the mysteries of the Universe. We will have much to discuss!”

Later that evening Einstein introduced himself to a woman and asked, “What is your IQ?”

The lady answered, “144.”

“That’s great!” said Einstein. “We can talk about politics and current affairs. We will have much to discuss!”

Toward the end of the evening Einstein went up to a third person and asked, “What is your IQ?”

The response was “51.”

And Einstein replied, “How ’bout those Yankees?”

Got a great joke you want to share? Stop by the Contact page to send it our way!